A Cautionary Tale of Angry Badgers – Part 1

As a kick off to 2021 and for the start of this new company blog I thought it would be good to answer some of the most common questions we get asked about the company and our technology.  When I analysed the list there were 2 clear favourites that get asked, time and time again;

How come all Valent employees look so young, healthy and handsome?

 

What exactly is this invasive technology you folks go on about and how does it work?

The first question is an easy one – a good night’s sleep and an excellent moisturising regime..

 

 

The second question is tougher and requires some explanation.  The answer is also quite a bit longer than for Q1 (although I could write at length about the benefits of top quality moisturising products!) and so I think it will be easier if I break it down into 2 parts: Part 1 – what’s the problem? Part 2 – how we go about solving it.

As this website is public domain I have to be careful what I write.  I also don’t want our technology to be defined by just defence applications – our kit can be used in lots of situations outside CBRN.  So to get around those issues I will explain how the technology works using an analogy – the Tale of the Angry Badgers.

Now you may be thinking at this point – has Valent completely lost it!  Angry Badgers??  What does that have to do with CBRN and Invasive Technology?  Well dear readers if you bear with me a little longer I will explain.

Let me say at the outset that we have no problems with badgers in any way.  In fact, we love them.  The truth however is that although badgers are in the main cuddly cute creatures, shuffling through the forest with their little black and white faces, if you make them angry then they get very, very nasty indeed.  Nastier than a drunk Glaswegian who has just been told the off-licence has run out of lager, kind of angry (as a Scot I can say this).  Get on the wrong side of an Angry Badger and expect to spend a considerable time in Accident & Emergency!

No doubt you are still asking what does this have to do with CBRN.  Well imagine that in order to avoid a trip to the hospital the Angry Badgers (AB) have been locked up in a sealed can.  Not forever – just until science finds a way to calm them down enough to be released back into the wild. Then imagine we have been putting AB in sealed cans for decades and decades…

(Kids, if you are reading this – Yes, the badgers can breathe;  Yes, the badgers have food and water;  No, the badgers are not all squashed up…)

So far, so good – AB problem contained. Now you may think why not simply dump the cans in the sea, or bury them or even blow them up?  Firstly, ARE YOU A MONSTER – these are badgers!  Secondly, this has been done before with toxic chemicals and we are still trying to clean up the results.

Some folks thought about weaponising the badgers – firing the cans at the enemy so they burst open on impact and the furious badgers can wreak havoc.  Problem is that badgers stay angry for a very, very long time and so when friendly forces moved in they too might suffer from badger attacks.

Thankfully science has had a breakthrough and has developed the Badger Calming Serum (BCS).  All we need to do now is find a hero(ine) who can open up the cans of badgers and treat them so they become safe and fluffy again.

Unless the hero is crazy (or the Hulk) they cant just open the can – some seriously aggrieved pelim melis are going to emerge looking for payback. If they were angry before then stuffing them in a can is not going to make them any happier.

For those who work in CBRN I think you can probably see where this little story is going.  For the others who are about to call the RSPCA for cruelty to badgers I would like to repeat – THIS IS AN ANALOGY – no badgers were hurt in the making of this blog – angry or otherwise.

Back to the story.  If only our hero(ine) had some way of investigating the inside of the sealed can and apply the BCS, all without releasing the Angry Badgers back into the environment.  If only some innovative engineering company could develop a technology that could make this happen.

Hmmm…could there be something out there?

Look out for Part 2 of A Cautionary Tales of Angry Badgers – Good drills save the day!

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