A Cautionary Tale of Angry Badgers – Part 2

For those who did not read Part One, you really need to, otherwise this will sound like the ramblings of a lunatic who has spent way too long in lockdown (and you may be right!)

And so the tale of the Angry Badgers continues…

Like all the best Netflix dramas, a quick recap (no skip);

When Badgers get angry start running!  These little pockets of striped fur turn ferociously violent and boy when they are worked up, they stay like that for a very, very long time.

 

Back in the good old days (sic), one less than well thought out solution was to place them (gently of course) in sealed cans.  The idea being that they would stay there, in storage, until science had worked out a way to calm them down.

Thankfully that day has arrived and science has concocted a Badger Calming Serum (BCS).  Of course the folks who put the badgers in the cans in the first place did not really think about the thorny problems around;

  • Opening the can up;
  • Checking what state the Badgers were in (sometimes they calm down all by themselves);
  • Applying the Badger Calming Serum (BCS); 

Whilst at the same time NOT GETTING RIPPED TO SHREDS and letting them escape to cause untold mayhem & chaos in the local area?  

Simply opening the lid would be a disaster – they would be out and at you faster than Scotsman chasing a can of Irn Bru. Cutting the can open would have the same effect and more than likely make the badgers even angrier. 

What, oh what can be done??  Are the badgers to be ever doomed to sit in metallic darkness or do we just accept that brave, heroic operators will suffer horribly in the attempt to set them free

Relax everyone – this is where Valent come in (trumpets sound, general applause and cheering – may even be a heavenly choir)

Dr Sales in his younger days

We thought about this a very long time ago, well rather our eccentric inventor founder, Dr Sales did.  With a fine claret in hand and puffing on his pipe, he pondered the matter for a time and had a eureka moment. 

Why, he said to himself (for no-one else was listening), if we could attach something to the can that could not only drill into it but seal the hole at the same time we could administer the serum without the little monsters getting out.  Not only that but with a sealed hole we could do all sorts of other things as well.  Hoorah!

Many long days, late nights and glasses of claret later he had invented the Monica system (for those who don’t know why it is called Monica – buy one and we will tell you).  The rest as they say is history…

Now Valent equipment (Monica and lots of other bits and bobs) is deployed all over the world, soothing angry badgers and saving operators and the general flora and fauna, from their wrath.  

Not only that but we hear it has also been used to dispose of chemical munitions, biological weapons, toxic industrial chemicals and a host of other nasties as well.  

Checking for Badgers (note camouflage suit; operators would pretend to be a bush if a badger escaped)

Fancy that… Who would have thought a cute, cuddly badger could lead to such technological sophistication.

Chat to us about our thoughts on badgers and other topics through the website email link (go on – we are really interesting people)

0 Comments

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *